#journal posting

[pathfinderswiftpen]

Leave it to a book on old timey ship navigation to get me to finally begin to understand circular geometry.

The board of Post-Captains is still out on my trig and conics sections, but the whole angle and arc thing is FINALLY starting to make sense.

The book in question:

I didn't include the equations and stuff but I'm glad part of my brain was paying attention in alg.2/trig and pre-calc (hell class, but with a teacher that was so much like Admiral Pellew it brought me amusement and comfort)

Math is fascinating but my brain in survival mode just Didn't Get It; maybe now it will :D

[krystalguitarthemums]

Journal Pages 1 - The HATE Monolog

[sacred-june]

You know what's special? Recently, I have been able to recognise myself in the mirror, and when I catch glimpses of myself in the reflection of my tablet or phone I find it easier to see myself as a woman :)

This isn't something that's happened as a result of starting hormones but just healing my self image

[switchkick]

i love her

[molloytheboy]

Been experimenting with using my physical notebook to write fic and it seems to be going well! I got 1100 words down/transferred to the doc/edited today so now all 3 planned CAYA bonus chapters are finished and ready to be posted once the main fic is done. Which also means I can't avoid writing the dinner scene any more since that's basically all that's left 😬 I have a pretty thorough rough outline of the whole scene and the epilogue so I'm not starting completely from scratch but still

This is so intimidating to me the culmination of almost 1.5 years of work (lots of breaks in there I wasn't working on it constantly that whole time but STILL) when this is done it'll be the longest writing project I've ever seen thru all the way to the end ever in my life pray for me to stick this landing yall 🙏🏻

[gaz-light]

Do you feel wholly continuous? Is there a thread that binds your actions and does that same thread pierce through your thoughts and choices and progress as a person?

I think I felt nervous about my first kiss, some girl on a park bench on a summer's evening when I was 16, we didn't stay together long and I don't know where she is now. It was my first, and I was- and still kind of am, a little nervous wreck. I got regressed for the first time a couple days ago and I felt nervous. My breath was heavy, I felt exposed, and they smelled like a summer's evening. I lament never getting to *be* a 16 year old girl when I was 16 and while I think the yearning for that time was part of it, I felt in touch with something genuine in myself that I forgot about.

Sex is weird.

[cowboyera]

2/17/2024

so, I wonder if any among you have been noticing that i have been more active on here lately. While part of that is intentional, i think most of it is related to the fact that I am giving up Instagram for Lent. Am i catholic? no. am i Christian? maybe, I'm not sure. not really. still, I am giving up Instagram for Lent, which sounds enormously silly to say. I think this will be good for me, and in fact it already has been good for me. I am the kind of person who can't handle shortform content when it is constantly available to them, and I would like if i haven't found myself of Y**T*b* shorts from time to time since them. still, the compulsion to pick up my phone and scroll in order to numb my brain and distract myself is definitely fading, and it has only been a few days.

Because of the way my brain functions and also my work situation, it makes sense that I still spend quite a bit of time on my fucking phone. (although my screentime has decreased by about 2 hours.) as a result, I am spending more time on other apps, tumblr being the main one to pick up the slack. its been good! despite all of its problems (most of which are probably not going away anytime soon), i do feel like it is designed in a way that is less addictive and more enriching than other apps. There is no way to "reblog" an Instagram reel, and even likes feel kind of meaningless since most of what is on there is just reposted from other sites and disconnected from the original creator, and you can't even go back and look at your old likes. Being on tumblr has more of a community feel to it, and even if I am mostly just reblogging I get the enriching feeling of feeling more like a curator/creator.

I deleted tiktok about a year ago? since then, i have occasionally gotten back on to make videos or check on friends, but never for more than maybe 24 hours. While other copycat short form platforms can be a timesuck, there is something so fucking lobotomizing about tiktok itself. literally get brain horrors anytime i use it now, and i highly highly recommend doing what you can to make the switch if you still use it. I think more people around my age (21) are seeing that and reducing their interaction. Its kind of sad sometimes to not constantly be aware of what is trending, but there is also a kind of bliss in not constantly being aware of what is trending :)

[beatsboy]

looking up the reviews for an episode of a show you really like to find out if it was actually bad or if you’re just depressed

[andoutofharm]

sometimes you just have to look yourself in the face and say what are we gonna choose. are we gonna keep making everything into a joke and something to mock and survive that way or are we gonna look for the light that has to be there on the other side of this. i have to fight for it. you have to say i do value sincerity and hope and i want to look for the light coming through and fight for that instead of just getting by on spite alone.

[greensapphic]

"Bill is a true gentleman!"

NEVERMIND DO NOT TRUST HIS CRAZY ASS😨😨

[paintedcrows]

Thinking about that old man

[pathfinderswiftpen]

Had a wild LOTR dream where I was the guy who became the witch king of angmar, during ring possession but still human. And aside from attaining the ring of power, my sole aim in life was to annoy the life out of Sauron, who looked like Lestat from interview with the vampire (the blond one; I don't go there, I just know it from tumblr). So Gollum stole The Ring then lost it, and I had to find it. But I kept finding Every Other Ring except that one, and I found a bunch of children and made it a game: each time they brought me a ring i gave them a prize.

I ended up with the ring of barahir, and a bunch of lesser insignificant ones, each of which they claimed to be The Ring, until one of them brought me SAURON 'S WEDDING RING FROM MORGOTH (I don't even ship it but here we are), which was shaped like a crown and had three long asymmetrical jaggedy rubies like the three peaks of angband. Anyway I wore it on my left hand ring finger and waved it around in front of Sauron and the rest of the dream was spent running away from him like a child who stole their teenage sister's diary in a 90s film

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Whatever the result is, I will attempt to recreate it as a drawing!

[sacred-june]

It is crazy, just how far I have come since starting this page.

When I made this page, my most euphoric clothing was a pair of arm warmers. And now my entire wardrobe is women's clothes.

When I made this page, I hadn't talked with another trans person for 10 years. Now most of my closest friends are trans people.

When I made this page, I didn't know if I would ever begin hormones or even socially transition. Now I'm coming up on two months of hrt and the happiest I have ever been!

I'm so proud of how far I have come, and I can't wait to see how my journey ends

[maybe-itsforthebest]

- j (x)

[molloytheboy]

spent the morning building up a stash of scraps for journaling :))